Narltamcib is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, quiet gerbil.

Narltamcib created snails eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Narltamcib, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Narltamcib, it will turn you into a plant.

Narltamcib's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Narltamcib's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt seals.

2. Put Narltamcib first in all things.

3. Run away if six geese approach from the south.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Pray towards the north.