Talnurtjen is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, witless tapir.

Talnurtjen created the Andromeda Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Talnurtjen, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Talnurtjen, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Talnurtjen's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Talnurtjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Cats are not to be trusted.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never jump near seals.

5. Talnurtjen must be the most important thing in your life.