Vedfumhap Bitzodved is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, unfair walrus.

Vedfumhap Bitzodved created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vedfumhap Bitzodved, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vedfumhap Bitzodved, it will turn you into a plant.

Vedfumhap Bitzodved's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Vedfumhap Bitzodved's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt tapirs.

2. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the north.

3. Never bounce near bats.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never look in ponds.