Xucflagspagbut is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, quiet grasshopper.

Xucflagspagbut created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucflagspagbut, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Xucflagspagbut, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Xucflagspagbut's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Xucflagspagbut's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not hurt turtles.

4. Never wear red trousers.

5. Do not drink alcohol.