Cumlabfig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, thoughtless mink.

Cumlabfig created dark matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Cumlabfig, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cumlabfig, he will have a low opinion of you.

Cumlabfig's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Cumlabfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear mauve ear rings.

2. Never eat apples.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

4. Always help voles.

5. You must love Cumlabfig.