Gofwatteen is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ruthless goat.

Gofwatteen created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofwatteen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gofwatteen, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Gofwatteen's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Gofwatteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt rats.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. You must love Gofwatteen.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Never pour water over plants.