Gutpaknur is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, deceitful mongoose.

Gutpaknur created Mount Everest eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutpaknur, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gutpaknur, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Gutpaknur's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Gutpaknur's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never mention ducks.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. You must pray to Gutpaknur nine times a day.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.