Zedgovdib is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, ill-tempered guinea pig.

Zedgovdib created time and space two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedgovdib, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zedgovdib, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Zedgovdib's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Zedgovdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Run away from black monkeys, for they are unholy.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Zedgovdib.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.