Quaffemvad is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, competent zebra.

Quaffemvad created the Whirlpool Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Quaffemvad, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quaffemvad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Quaffemvad's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Quaffemvad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never bounce near eagles.

3. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.