Flaptunhon is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, strong hippopotamus.

Flaptunhon created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaptunhon, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flaptunhon, it will turn you into a rock.

Flaptunhon's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Flaptunhon's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven squirrels approach from the south.

2. Do not sing in public.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not kill foxes.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.