Satlooportwig Sanyok is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, quiet cat.

Satlooportwig Sanyok created the cosmos five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satlooportwig Sanyok, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Satlooportwig Sanyok, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Satlooportwig Sanyok's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Satlooportwig Sanyok's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.