Bopflamsis is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, all-powerful bat.

Bopflamsis created an up quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bopflamsis, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bopflamsis, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bopflamsis' most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Bopflamsis' Holy Commandments

1. You must love Bopflamsis.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bopflamsis.

4. Do not wear mauve clothing.

5. Never jump in the presence of seals.