Tarppogfas Pidyatnan is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, sage narwhal.

Tarppogfas Pidyatnan created time and space five million years ago.

If you believe in Tarppogfas Pidyatnan, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tarppogfas Pidyatnan, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tarppogfas Pidyatnan's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Tarppogfas Pidyatnan's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarppogfas Pidyatnan.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Worship no other gods but Tarppogfas Pidyatnan.