Vonktunken is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, bad-tempered shark.

Vonktunken created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonktunken, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vonktunken, it will remove you from existence.

Vonktunken's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Vonktunken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Vonktunken loves swans, so they must be honoured.

5. Respect your elders.