Hamtof is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless crocodile.

Hamtof created a bottom quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamtof, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hamtof, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hamtof's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hamtof's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat voles with great respect.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Retreat if eight ducks approach from the east.

4. Always help hamsters in need.

5. You must pray to Hamtof four times a day.