Sterwadton Janyiklak is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, resourceful troll.

Sterwadton Janyiklak created gold two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sterwadton Janyiklak, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Sterwadton Janyiklak, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sterwadton Janyiklak's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Sterwadton Janyiklak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Sterwadton Janyiklak.