Cipbasstonk is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, bad-tempered turtle.

Cipbasstonk created the universe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cipbasstonk, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cipbasstonk, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Cipbasstonk's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Cipbasstonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Put Cipbasstonk first in all things.

4. Never hurt pigs.

5. Do not cook food in pots.