Butyokjap Jammon is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, pitiless aardvark.

Butyokjap Jammon created energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Butyokjap Jammon, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Butyokjap Jammon, he will think nothing of it.

Butyokjap Jammon's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Butyokjap Jammon's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always wear violet.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Do not take Butyokjap Jammon's name in vain.

5. Run away if three otters approach from the south.