Garmapkop is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, unjust hyena.

Garmapkop created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garmapkop, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Garmapkop, it will destroy your home solar system.

Garmapkop's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Garmapkop's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

3. Respect your elders.

4. You must never eat corn.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.