Quaftigwip is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witty chinchilla.

Quaftigwip created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaftigwip, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quaftigwip, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quaftigwip's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Quaftigwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Quaftigwip loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never feed apples to swans while wearing pink stockings.