Flammuttamwig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, resourceful crocodile.

Flammuttamwig created humanity five million years ago.

If you believe in Flammuttamwig, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flammuttamwig, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Flammuttamwig's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Flammuttamwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Never think ill of sick whales.

5. Hide from orange nematodes for they are unholy.