Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, all-powerful deer.

Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

3. Erect seven gold sculptures of Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik on top of important buildings.

4. Do not hurt badgers.

5. Gemhakpid Tarpyarvid Nillbifkik loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.