Bellzakvag is a god.

She takes the form of a small, competent raven.

Bellzakvag created everything that exists four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellzakvag, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bellzakvag, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bellzakvag's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bellzakvag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about squirrels.

3. Never feed peas to mites while wearing green scarves.

4. Hide if three otters approach from the south.

5. Do not drink water in black rooms.