Sasjenkin is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, able yak.

Sasjenkin created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sasjenkin, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Sasjenkin, she will turn you into a rock.

Sasjenkin's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Sasjenkin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat melons.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

3. Never feed figs to hamsters while wearing white rings.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Do not speak about parsnips.