Cemtaftaf is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, thoughtless lobster.

Cemtaftaf created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemtaftaf, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cemtaftaf, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Cemtaftaf's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Cemtaftaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt snails.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not wear blue clothing.