Ranjapril Nelsinpog is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, blissful monkey.

Ranjapril Nelsinpog created time and space two years ago.

If you believe in Ranjapril Nelsinpog, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ranjapril Nelsinpog, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ranjapril Nelsinpog's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Ranjapril Nelsinpog's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never wear fawn shorts.

3. Always help otters.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never write about cell theory.