Fatflabqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, compassionate tapir.

Fatflabqueeg created an atom three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatflabqueeg, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fatflabqueeg, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fatflabqueeg's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Fatflabqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured ducks.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always help rats.