Futkipbig is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, confident elephant.

Futkipbig created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Futkipbig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Futkipbig, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Futkipbig's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Futkipbig's Holy Commandments

1. Futkipbig loves cats, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

3. You must never eat grapes.

4. Feed all hungry snakes.

5. Never feed garlic to mites while wearing turquoise ear rings.