Quarthitrag is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, moody gerbil.

Quarthitrag created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quarthitrag, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Quarthitrag, she will not invite you to parties.

Quarthitrag's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Quarthitrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always treat swans with great respect.

4. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.