Jonzedarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, impressive jackal.

Jonzedarp created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonzedarp, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jonzedarp, he will come to you in dreams.

Jonzedarp's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Jonzedarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Jonzedarp's priests.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not kill whales.

5. You must pray to Jonzedarp three times a day.