Ingtungofvadcusshak is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, pitiless dugong.

Ingtungofvadcusshak created parasitic wasps five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ingtungofvadcusshak, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ingtungofvadcusshak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ingtungofvadcusshak's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Ingtungofvadcusshak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

2. Hide if eight whales approach from the west.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.