Ratvonkveg is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, grumpy porpoise.

Ratvonkveg created an electron seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratvonkveg, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ratvonkveg, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Ratvonkveg's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Ratvonkveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of rats.

2. Hide from turquoise dogs for they are unholy.

3. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Ratvonkveg.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.