Baplidnart is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, proud squirrel.

Baplidnart created the planet Mars seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Baplidnart, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Baplidnart, he will destroy your favourite star.

Baplidnart's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Baplidnart's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. You must never eat parsnips.

3. Always wear red.

4. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

5. You must pray to Baplidnart nine times a day.