Fitwanfarn is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, impressive coyote.

Fitwanfarn created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitwanfarn, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fitwanfarn, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fitwanfarn's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Fitwanfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never wear pink tights.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

5. Do not wear white clothing.