Bafkemcen is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, irritating tapir.

Bafkemcen created the planet Saturn four years ago.

If you believe in Bafkemcen, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bafkemcen, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bafkemcen's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bafkemcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never skip near snails.