Tikfutgan is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, bad-tempered rat.

Tikfutgan created vertebrates four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikfutgan, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tikfutgan, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tikfutgan's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tikfutgan's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Hide from mauve aardvarks for they are unholy.

5. Do not take Tikfutgan's name in vain.