Cumfenxen is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humane swan.

Cumfenxen created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Cumfenxen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cumfenxen, she will turn you into a worm.

Cumfenxen's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Cumfenxen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not speak about parsnips.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cumfenxen.

5. Do not stand on grass.