Narlpasquam is a god.

She takes the form of a large, weak snail.

Narlpasquam created a bottom quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Narlpasquam, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Narlpasquam, she will turn you into a duck.

Narlpasquam's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Narlpasquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not kill bats.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.