Joppogkimsaf is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, fast cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Joppogkimsaf created the planet Mars two million years ago.

If you believe in Joppogkimsaf, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Joppogkimsaf, it will turn you into a puffin.

Joppogkimsaf's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Joppogkimsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat gooseberries.

2. Joppogkimsaf loves manatees, so they must be respected.

3. Hide from black capybaras for they are unholy.

4. Never run in the presence of frogs.

5. Never paint your hands blue.