Gunstikbonk is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, emotional bat.

Gunstikbonk created humanity eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunstikbonk, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gunstikbonk, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gunstikbonk's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gunstikbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Run away from orange dogs, for they are unholy.

3. Gunstikbonk loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not take Gunstikbonk's name in vain.

5. Never wear shorts.