Bintettiben is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, self-assured whale.

Bintettiben created water two million years ago.

If you believe in Bintettiben, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bintettiben, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bintettiben's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Bintettiben's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear fawn.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not hurt otters.