Yogpangnur is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, all-knowing seal.

Yogpangnur created life six billion years ago.

If you believe in Yogpangnur, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yogpangnur, he will turn you into a frog.

Yogpangnur's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Yogpangnur's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never feed onions to dolphins while wearing magenta coats.

4. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

5. Never sit in the presence of sharks.