Kiptettilenkem is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, slow hare.

Kiptettilenkem created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kiptettilenkem, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kiptettilenkem, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Kiptettilenkem's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Kiptettilenkem's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry gulls.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Do not kill seals.