Stafvanpag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, boastful pig.

Stafvanpag created the planet Mars five billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafvanpag, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Stafvanpag, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Stafvanpag's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Stafvanpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair mauve.

2. Do not drink water in green rooms.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.