Tailrotstragnarl Gepomtnab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, charitable armadillo.

Tailrotstragnarl Gepomtnab created snails six million years ago.

If you believe in Tailrotstragnarl Gepomtnab, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tailrotstragnarl Gepomtnab, he will destroy your home solar system.

Tailrotstragnarl Gepomtnab's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Tailrotstragnarl Gepomtnab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Retreat if four snails approach from the south.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.