Pagbotnat is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, impressive spider.

Pagbotnat created a top quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pagbotnat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Pagbotnat, he will come to you in dreams.

Pagbotnat's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Pagbotnat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt eagles.

2. Never go into fawn rooms.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never paint your neck cyan.

5. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.