Dotlarngem is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, blissful pig.

Dotlarngem created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Dotlarngem, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dotlarngem, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Dotlarngem's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Dotlarngem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick rats.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never run in the presence of geese.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.