Lagquartbess is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, tiresome badger.

Lagquartbess created an atom two years ago.

If you believe in Lagquartbess, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lagquartbess, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lagquartbess' most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Lagquartbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Retreat if seven voles approach from the west.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not stand on grass.