Cumtafpig is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, uncaring coyote.

Cumtafpig created tapeworms five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumtafpig, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cumtafpig, she will refuse to believe in you.

Cumtafpig's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Cumtafpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat lentils.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Cumtafpig loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

5. Never write about gravity.