Lakrawfon is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lakrawfon created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakrawfon, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lakrawfon, he will manifest in front of you.

Lakrawfon's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Lakrawfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Hide if three mites approach from the east.

5. Never skip in the presence of tapirs.